Holly Willoughby admits looking inwards left her in tears and was ‘painful’ after losing who she was

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Her book, Reflections, was released on Friday.

And to mark the occasion, Holly Willoughby, 40, appeared on Lorraine where she admitted that looking inwards has been a ‘painful’ process after losing who she was while focusing on her career and being a mum of three.

The presenter – who shares Belle, Chester and Harry with husband Dan Baldwin – confessed that ‘shining a light into those dark corners is hard’ but wanted to get to know herself again after basing her life on others’ expectations.

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Candid: On Friday, Holly Willoughby, 40, appeared on Lorraine where she admitted that looking inwards for her new book, Reflections, has been a 'painful' process

Candid: On Friday, Holly Willoughby, 40, appeared on Lorraine where she admitted that looking inwards for her new book, Reflections, has been a ‘painful’ process

Asked by Lorraine what led her to creating Reflections, Holly explained: ‘For me it felt like the right time to write this book. Working none-stop and, being a mum of three. I’d almost high five myself on the back for it.

‘That’s great, fine doable. But when I’d stop I’d lost a sense of who I was. It was born out of me getting to know myself again. Trusting myself a little more rather than listening to the noise around me.’

But Holly also revealed that it was her time hosting I’m A Celebrity back in 2018 which made her realise that she had some important things to work through.

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The presenter said of her time in Australia: ‘It was like that moment in Home Alone where “I made my family disappear.” I’ve got space and time to just be me. There was an opening up sorts. A Pandora’s box of sorts.

The presenter confessed that 'shining a light into those dark corners is hard' but wanted to get to know herself again

The presenter confessed that ‘shining a light into those dark corners is hard’ but wanted to get to know herself again

Timing: Asked by Lorraine what led her to creating Reflections, Holly explained: 'For me it felt like the right time to write this book'

Timing: Asked by Lorraine what led her to creating Reflections, Holly explained: ‘For me it felt like the right time to write this book’

‘I thought, I’m just gonna work through this. So it was a process and one that’s ongoing and one I don’t want it to be over because I’m really enjoying it.’

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‘There’ve been a lot if tears. It’s been very hard, it’s been painful. Shining a light into those dark corners of your own life is hard.

‘But you have to be brave, and you have to dig really deep to do it. But I think it’s really important because I think if you don’t do it, then it will rise to the surface and sometimes it comes out sideways.

‘So I think you do need to face those things with the right support and when it feels like the right time for you, and for me, this definitely was the right time.

Busy bee: Holly confessed that she lost who she was while focusing on her career and being a mum of three. The presenter shares Belle, Chester and Harry with husband Dan Baldwin

Busy bee: Holly confessed that she lost who she was while focusing on her career and being a mum of three. The presenter shares Belle, Chester and Harry with husband Dan Baldwin

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Real talk! 'Working none-stop and, being a mum of three... That's great, fine doable. But when I'd stop I'd lost a sense of who I was' confessed Holly

Real talk! ‘Working none-stop and, being a mum of three… That’s great, fine doable. But when I’d stop I’d lost a sense of who I was’ confessed Holly

Lorraine asked Holly: ‘People think you don’t have dark corners, but everybody does. You always seem so up and so happy’.

Holly replied: ‘Everybody does, and they vary. They’re different shades. People have varying degrees of things and mine – I think that everybody needs to look inwardly occasionally. I think it’s a good thing, I think you can’t avoid it.

‘I think we do avoid it by being busy, and once you begin that relationship with yourself and you’re not afraid of all of those things within you and you normalise them and externalise them, then actually, you can use them as a way of pulling you forward. It’s like a strength rather than being something you’re afraid of.’ 

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Asked by Lorraine what the most surprising thing she’s learned while writing her book, Holly admitted: ‘I had the power all along!

‘It’s good to read books and listening to podcasts. But, you start basing your whole life on other people’s expectations. Listening to yourself is the best thing to do.’

Realisation: Holly revealed it was her time hosting I'm A Celebrity back in 2018 which made her realise that she had some things to work through (Pictured with Declan Connelly in 2018)

Realisation: Holly revealed it was her time hosting I’m A Celebrity back in 2018 which made her realise that she had some things to work through (Pictured with Declan Connelly in 2018)

Asked what helps to keep her happy, Holly gushed: ‘I have a fantastic relationship with my husband and my family. But for me it’s finding moments of stillness. 

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‘I meditate before work every day now. ‘I was convinced it wouldn’t fit into my life because a) i wouldn’t have the time to do it and b) I wouldn’t be able to clear my mind…

‘But the type of meditation I do doesn’t matter – let the thoughts come in and let them go. 20 minutes twice a day.’ 

What has she learned? Asked by Lorraine what the most surprising thing she's learned while writing her book, Holly admitted: 'I had the power all along!'

What has she learned? Asked by Lorraine what the most surprising thing she’s learned while writing her book, Holly admitted: ‘I had the power all along!’

The presenter also spoke fondly of her This Morning co-host Phillip Schofield, insisting: ‘We love each other. We’ve always looked after each other.

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‘We pick each other up. He’s been a huge support for me right since the very beginning in a friendship sense and in my career. He’s guided and moulded me from the very beginning.

‘I’ve sat beside him and he’s my teacher, really, and not many people do that. They’re very focused in their own lane, but he’s always been very generous and giving. He’s been my champion since the get go, so I’m very lucky.’ 

Finding her calm: 'I meditate before work every day now. I was convinced I wouldn't be able to do it. 20 minutes twice a day' admitted Holly

Finding her calm: ‘I meditate before work every day now. I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to do it. 20 minutes twice a day’ admitted Holly

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