Wine Jokes
|

60 hilarious wine jokes, sayings, quotes and puns that will leave you rolling on the floor! 

Advertisement

Do you like to drink wine? Who doesn’t like it? Fortunately for you, the drink can also provide you with additional benefits, such as humour. We’ll be sharing some hilarious wine puns and wine jokes that will make you riesling happy today.

California without a doubt is known not just for it’s beauty and ambience but also for having a fantastic wine collection repository. If you’re a jokester planning a trip to California, you’ll undoubtedly need a few wine jokes under your sleeve to use during wine tastings and vineyard visits!

Advertisement
Wine Jokes

Here are some hilarious wine puns and wine jokes that will make your winwine-tastingmpanions sigh and/or laugh.

Popular Wine Jokes 

How do you decide how much wine to drink? Take it on a case-by-case basis. 

Advertisement

What do you call a grape that is an anti-diuretic? Pinot More. 

Did you know wine doesn’t make you fat? It makes you lean…against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people. 

It’s funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible but 8 glasses of wine is a sign of a good meal. 

I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition. 

Advertisement

My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever! 

Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire? He heard it was a Goodyear! 

You had me at merlot. Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? ‘Cause I’d like to make you part of the season’s harvest. 

What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy? Sauvign-yawn blanc! 

Advertisement

I can’t wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them. 

Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business? They call themselves the Sip-ranos! 

Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine? Unfortunately, he was pressed into service! 

How can you find the girl who drank an entire bottle of merlot? She’s the one dancing like a str*pper! 

Advertisement

How do you know a man is really really gay? When he’s nursing a glass of pinot grigio! What’s the cure for marriage? Answer: Alcoholism. 

What do you call a woman with a glass of wine on her head? A taxi. 

I’ve trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine. It’s a Bordeaux collie. 

Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine. 

Advertisement

It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There’s clearly room for more wine. 

What’s the secret to enjoying a good bottle of wine? Open the bottle to let it breathe. If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth. 

Did you know Pinot Noir is actually spelled Pinot Noi? There’s technically Noir. 

Father O’Brien was driving home after lunch when a policeman pulled him over. “What have you been drinking?” aske the cop. “Only water,” replied the priest. “Then what’s that next to you?” said the policeman, pointing to the half-empty bottle of pinot noir in the passenger seat. “Good Lord!” said Father O’Brien. “He’s done it again!” If you can drink away your hurt, it must have been champagne. 

Advertisement

This wine is cellar.

I’ve got friends in high cases.

All hell broke juice at the vineyard!

Don’t fruit the messenger, but I think we’re out of wine.

Advertisement

Don’t take me for decanted.

Wine Puns 

I make pour decisions. 

Everything happens for a riesling, right? 

Advertisement

Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses. 

Wine Jokes

You are so bottlefull to me. 

Will you accept this rosé? 

You can’t sip with us. 

Advertisement

It isn’t good to keep things bottled up. 

What did the grape say when it was crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine. 

Here for the right riesling. 

Riesling… Chardonnay… Merlot… Cabernet… Pinot noir…Sorry, I don’t know why I’m being so whiny this morning. Cabernet. More like, caber-yay! 

Advertisement

Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it. 

I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike. 

Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato? 

Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock. 

Advertisement

I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied. 

The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed. 

Vino? Why yes! 

Sip happens. 

Advertisement

This wine is great beyond a raisin-able doubt.

At any aerate, this is great wine.

My sediments exactly.

You had me at Merlot

Advertisement

You need to keep a merlot profile.

Yay or Caber-net?

There’s more wine in the Cabernet!

Red my lips: we need more wine!

Advertisement

Living in Zin.

You’ve got to Zin and bear it.

I’m going to Zin you over.

Que Syrah, Syrah!

Advertisement

This wine is a gamay changer.

Are you feeling oak-ay?

Rules are meant to be br-oak-en

This wine really cask a spell on me.

Advertisement

Beyond any chateau of doubt.

I need to give credit where credit is cru.

Me and my cru.

I’m Bordeaux out of my mind.

Advertisement

All a-Bordeaux!

That was er-Rhone-eous.

Don’t Loire your standards.

Chablis or not Chablis?

Advertisement

You’ll be judged by a Jura of your peers.

Wine One Liners 

It isn’t good to keep things bottled up. 

My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick. Cabernet. More like, caber-yay! 

Advertisement

Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine. 

Feeling grape. 

Sip happens. 

You had me at merlot. 

Advertisement

Here for the right riesling. 

Will you accept this rosé? 

You can’t sip with us. 

Sip, sip hooray. 

Advertisement

Popular Wine Jokes Sayings 

When you get a hangover from wine it’s called the Grape Depression. 

I just heard on the grapevine that doctors have invented a new grape variety that acts as an anti-diuretic to help with incontinence. It’s called Pinot More. 

I’m a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get. 

What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races? Chardon-neigh! 

Advertisement

The first thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket with wine. 

Sometimes we all need a Riesling to be cheerful. 

He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof. 

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings 

Advertisement

Wine Jokes Quotes 

What do friends and wine have in common? The older, the better.

I only drink wine on days that end with a “y.”

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. –W.C. Fields

Age is just a number. It’s irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. –Joan Collins

Advertisement

A meal without wine is called breakfast.

Wine flies when you’re having fun.

My only regret in life is that I did not drink more wine. –Ernest Hemingway

Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together. –Elizabeth Taylor

Advertisement

Age and glasses of wine should never be counted.

Happiness is a well-stocked wine cabinet and a closet full of shoes.

Red Wine Jokes (Red Wine Puns)

Let’s get fizz-ical with some Champagne!

Advertisement

No Champagne, no gain.

I’m champagne at the bit to get drinking!

You’re being a champagne in the a**!

Don’t flute the messenger.

Advertisement

Be flute-ful and multiply.

I’ll cava what she’s having

More Moet, more problems

Mumms the word.

Advertisement

I can see things Cristal clear.

When things are Dom and dusted

I’m feeling fino.

Do you think so? Oloroso!

Advertisement

It Sauternes me to say we’re out of wine.

Don’t worry, I’m an ex-port on dessert wine.

We hope you enjoyed your time reading and laughing out loud at the wine jokes? Which of the wine jokes is your favorite? Which saying do you like the most? Share your thoughts with us in the comment box!

Don’t forget to share the wine jokes with your friends and family especially when you go out for dinner or party.

Advertisement

Also, Don’t forget to drink responsibly 🥂

Advertisement

Similar Posts